What the Eff Am I Going To Do Now?


Read in Will Smith voice: My life got flipped, turned upside down. Literally, everything I thought was true, is not. How is that for a Wake Up Call?

To say 2017 will be a fresh start is quite an understatement. I have to change everything. Fast. I have decided to (try) to listen to my own advice and stay positive (about my new life at least – the betrayal will take a while to show me the good side).

Truth be told, I am having a HARD time not being snarky and shitty. But, I recognize it and at least feel bad about it afterwards.  Good job, me. <– see? Positive!

It is time to commit to moving forward with a totally new life, even when it would be so easy to just sink back into the lie. So easy to sink back into it.

This year is going to be crazy and terrible and wonderful. For all of us, right? Let’s focus on being the best us we can possibly be. Let’s make some crazy goals and get them done. Create the life you want. Who is with me? Or – who wants to help keep our asses in check?!


Here is the plan so far…keep in mind…my world cracked yesterday…so lend some ideas, if you got em. I am open!

Step One:

Goal: Clear my space of any reminders of the old life. Burn them, trash them, just REMOVE them.

Actions: I have already dumped the photos and the vision board that up until yesterday was going to be focusing on a totally different life. So much energy went into that. Ugh. I just threw it in the trash. I literally just watched the garbage truck take it away. It was one of the most painful things I have ever done, but SO helpful in getting myself moving. It was going to be shared on New Year’s Eve with the family. I normally don’t share my vision board so blatantly, but I was in such a different (optimistic, loving, joyful) place, I felt I want to honor it and declare it in some way. Weird. Everything changes, just like that.

Step Two:

Be positive and focus on the small things that bring me joy. Run with those.

Some small things that bring me joy: being a really good mom to my kid, walking the dogs, my Mom and my friends, a great book (usually Y.A…not gonna lie), fires in the fireplace, Netflix binges, volunteering, donating money whenever I can, creating awesome memories for myself when I am old and the memory is failing. Something new that is bringing me joy? Shredding old photos. Very cathartic.

Step Three (where I am stuck, hence this post):

Figure out who I am with this new opportunity for freedom and true happiness.

Conclusions: Uh….I will let you know.


That is pretty much all I got for now. Ain’t much but it will get me through today.

Have you ever been on the cusp of a brand new life? Have you ever been so scared that you can only fight your way out by doing shit that burns the past to the ground? Was it the best thing you have ever done? How did you reboot your life? Gimmie some clues here peeps!

This weird post was unexpected and since my mom is the only one who reads these posts, I think it is ok to spout some personal stuff here.

Peace, Love and Kindness,



  1. M I subbed?

  2. You are stronger and braver than you think.
    We have seen you go through some amazing changes and thrive – this is a great opportunity to do it again!
    Record your journey – create the new vision board – look forward – you have many wonderful moments in your life today – we love you and yes, we are praying for you ????

  3. Girlie…I’ve been in your shoes. I am there for you now. I get completely what you are going through…so cry to me…yell and scream!!!!! I completely get it.

  4. I love you Matti and I am here for you

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